Back when I was in college...

A new online dating service, eduHookups.com,  promises casual hookups for college students.

What happened to the good old days, when you had to hike ten miles in the snow (at UCLA), up a hill (Bruin Walk), swim across a creek (South Campus' Toilet Bowl fountain), and attend a frat party (Sigma Nu) to hook up with someone you barely know?  Now you don't even need to leave the comfort of your 10x10 concrete cell dorm room now to close the deal on a booty call.  Kids these days...they have it all too easy.  Easy being the operative word.

Alas, it's a good thing someone thought this up, because this, ahem, non-traditional college student really needs to get some action:

95 year-old Nola Ochs, University of Oklahoma, uh, Senior

May we say a prayer in remembrance of the favorite frat boy fishbowl pickup line ("Hey, wanna come upstairs and see my fishbowl?")?  Amen.

Serial Killers Need Love Too

With a profile pic like this, I think it'd be hard to get dates on the internet.

Fortunately, most dating sites allow you to write a little bit about yourself to entice the ladies.  This Reddit user posted his pic along with the quote, "I uploaded my photo to a dating site. So far, no hits. :("
Sad face, indeed.  Sad serial killer face! Reddit has been credited with launching some of the best internet memes and this one is pretty hilarious - with plenty of great spin-offs.  Quickmeme has created posters of this sad lad's mug along with witty and enticing captions.  Witness some of these below:

And on this site, you can even come up with your own captions for this captivating photo.  I gave it a whirl myself:

Hang like a horse...er, centaur

Inspired perhaps by the Old Spice centaur, betting company Betfair commissioned a cheeky Brit designer to create hoof boots.

You gotta have some bollocks to rock this wonky look around town. Unless you're looking to shag a goat or any other hooved animal for that matter.  On the flip side, should I become involved in a barney (translation: small quarrel or fight), my roundhouse will really kick some arse.  Pun intended.  Honestly though, I think my tootsies would look better wrapped in a bog roll (translation: toilet paper).  Get yours now for  £1,300 a pair.

What's next, Octopus wellies???  Blimey!  Only if you want to look like an wanker.  Freakin' Brits.

Clean "dirty" hair

The latest and greatest from Bumble and Bumble (purveyor of the magical hair powder...perhaps I'll save that for another post - too many praises to fit both that and this new product in one place!) is simply called "texture".  It's self-explanatory.

Just about anyone can use it.  Well, almost anyone.  Vin Diesel, no.  Kelly Slater, no. Charles Barkley, definitely not.  

Ssshhhh...don't talk. Just flex your pecs and keep your mouth shut. It's better that way.

Awww, don't feel so bad Kelly...B&B Texture isn't waterproof anyway.

Don't worry about product, worry about that baby in your belly.  Wait...you're not pregnant, Charles? My bad.
(Ladies - brought in Chuck to cool you down after the first two hot bodies - I mean, this is a blog about hair product for pete's sake.)

 Back to good hair.  Texture will work for short, long, males, females, curly, straight.  I like to use it around the roots for some lift and Neutrogena Split End Mender at the ends (see previous blog The End of Split Ends) before blow drying.  And because it's matte, I like to use a light shine spray to finish it all off.  This is what I look like when I'm done:

Ok, not really.  But Padma's style here is just what you can use B&B Texture to achieve.

My husband uses it to make his hair look like Brad Pitt's:

This is the exact photo my husband googled, printed out in color and brought to his (ahem...MY) hairstylist as a guide.

Available at salons or online at B&B's site for $26.  If you're gun-shy, try the 2 oz. version for $12.  Seems steep, but even for my long hair, a pea-sized dollop is enough.  Just remember - use it when the hair is still DAMP, lest you want your hair to look like this (WARNING: eighties flashback):

Adam Ant. Is he still alive? All I know is No Doubt is reviving his songs.  Jeezus, is No Doubt still alive?

Cardio-Paint

TWNH predicts the newest fitness rage: Cardio-Paint.  Discovered while painting my living room, this burns at least 10.7 calories per square foot painted.  Why am I painting, you ask?  Well it has finally come time to put "Sober Valley Lodge" on the market (the original SVL, so BRING IT, Charlie) and as far as wall colors go, apparently orange is NOT the new beige.  Damn you, 2005 April issue of Domino Magazine.  No wonder you went out of print.

So how exactly do you burn off that Fatburger you ate for lunch?  Four easy circuits while getting your paint on:

Circuit One: Resistance Training
     Nothing burns calories while you're sitting on your tushie watching Idol better than a revved-up metabolism.  And building muscle mass helps you get the metabolism of a hummingbird.  And to do this...curl a can of "Whispering Wheat" until your arms feel like jello.  Or jello shots, whatever's your flavor.

Can someone call a plumber? Cuz these pipes are bursting. 

Circuit Two: Advanced Power Step(stool) Class
     Use the first step if you're a beginner Cardio-painter, like I am.  I hope to move up to the second step by bikini season.

Warning: Dankso clogs do NOT provide good lateral support. Trust me, my clumsy ass knows.

Circuit three: The Roller Lunge
      Twenty lunges and a well-saturated but not dripping paint roller gets the paint on evenly and gets your quads a-burnin'.

Sign up for a block of 10 Cardio-paint classes and get this painter's cap free! Does double duty keeping your bangs out of your eyes and out of open surgical wounds in the operating room.  Bonus!!!

Circuit Four: Painter's Leap
     For a real challenge, forgo the step stool.  Who needs a stinkin' step stool!?  Real Cardio-painters JUMP to reach those high spots.  Remember to land square (cuz you'll need your knee ligaments for your next class, Endurance-Floor-Sanding) and keep your roller in contact in the wall.  Nobody likes a splotchy paint job.

The squat...

...The leap! 

Happy fat-burning, my painterly friends!

Fine print: 

- Hat and pants sponsored by St. Mary's Hospital

- For entertainment only.  Get out of denial like I am and go to a real gym. 

Color + Fruit = Instant Success

Budding entrepreneurs, listen up.  If you start with some tart milk that has been fermented by bacteria, make it real cold, then sell it under the name of some color and the name of a fruit, be prepared for a serious and sudden windfall.  It started with pinkberry frozen yogurt, and now it's roseberry, kiwiberri, bluemango (not to be confused with redmango), snowberry, and new this year - Richmond's own sweetfrog.  Okay, so they expanded the nomenclature rules to include flavor + animal.  Fine.

I am certain only Asians could have dreamed up something so cute.  

The second ingredient to success includes a color scheme so bright your eyes feel like they are being assaulted with ice picks.

Exhibit one.

And last but not least, excruciatingly loud (I know, I'm getting old) club music or the latest and greatest from The Bieber himself.  Or, perhaps pinkberry's very own jingle (on the pinkberry site):  "Sorry, ice cream, I'm dreaming of a different dessert...pinkberry shaved ice and frozen yogurt...mmm...it doesn't feel like I'm cheatin' when I'm eating it cuz it's healthy...I feel better already..."  Catchy.

Despite all its ridiculousness, I'm officially FIXATED on our local copycat's tart yogurt topped with mini mochi balls, chocolate sprinkles, fresh fruit and caramel.  Add pinkberry to my list of inventions I wished I came up with (you know, velcro, post it notes, flobee...).

This concept has definitely gone viral for now (I mean, come on, we have one in Richmond) - so you're bound to find one - if not pinkberry, then surely purpleavocado (it's a fruit, people), redbanana, or orangeorange - in your town.  Or you can make your own - so easy it's ridonk.  See below:

How to make tart pinkberryesque fro yo.  I mean, frozen yogurt.  I hate people that say fro yo about as much as people who call San Francisco "Frisco".
- One 17.6 ounce carton of  2% greek style yogurt (like Fage or Trader Joe's)
- Two tablespoons of honey
- One teaspoon of vanilla extract
Mix everything together and stick it all in an ice cream maker.  It pretty much came out identical to pinkberry's original tart.  Happy chillin'.