Two Words, No Hyphen: "Hey lady, I really like the shoes...that are glued to your fingernails"

I was on the Metro in DC today and discovered a disturbing trend in manicures. No, it wasn't that male friend of mine at the mani-pedi place last week...he doesn't like to go on weekends (too crowded, not enough personal attention). Apparently crazy colors and designs - for example, 10 miniature airbrushed portraits of Young Jeezy on your fingernails - just isn't enough anymore.

You gotta go 3D or go home, baby. This chick, facing me on the Metro, actually had munchkin-sized sparkly stiletto heels attached to her already wildly painted nails. They would fit my friend Shelby's feet. I tried SO HARD to non-chalantly snap an iPhone photo of her nails, but it was all blurry and I was scared since she looked like she could seriously jack me up. So I had to resort to finding internet photos of this in-your-face (pun intended) nail art. As you'll see in the menagerie of fingernail Picassos below, there is usually a common theme between the left 5 fingers and the right 5 fingers. Not so much on our Metro lady...it was like a buffet of nail designs - and not just your standard Chinese buffet - it like was Indian buffet + all-you-can-eat sushi + Souplantation all under one roof. Couldn't you just have picked one theme? Apparently, no.

For an extra $5, you can have Jenny McCarthy painted on your nail.

This is what we like to call the "Wedding Day Special"

What happens when you forget and pick your nose? It'd be like getting a peanut stuck up your nose. Better have your Ear, Nose and Throat doctor on speed dial (paging Dr. Schmidt...).