Brilliant...unless you're an alcoholic

Q:
What does R.E.I. and my favorite pinot noir (Sass, Willamette Valley, OR, if you must know) have in common?

A:
The Platypreserve, the single most useful piece of awesome I've ever owned.

R.E.I., you ask?  Well the platypreserve is a non-glass and collapsible-when-you're-done-with-it wine carrier and preserver that makes perfect sense for camping.  Does wine plus camping sound smart?  Maybe.  Although wine plus ax plus chopping firewood while camping doesn't really.  That sounds more like a finger, or worse yet, an entire extremity that will need to be reattached.  But a reusable way to keep a bottle of wine fresh for weeks?  Just plain brilliant. The platypreserve holds up to an entire bottle of wine - just pour it in, squeeze out the air and screw the cap on.  You know those vacuum wine sealers that are supposed to preserve your wine? This thing really kicks their ass into oblivion.  Really.

I gotta give huge props to R.E.I. - an already cooler than cool store - for carrying this. At $9.95 it'll keep your booze tasting tasty for a nominal cost.  The only time it is not worth it is if you regularly down an entire bottle in one sitting.  By yourself.  Pets as company do not count.  Although...if you regularly drink a bottle and a half in one sitting, this will come in handy for keeping that second bottle fresh for the the morning after.  Ha...see? The platypreserve really IS for everyone - alkies included.

So wonderful I have two, one for whites and one for reds.  And if I ever start camping, I will most certainly be using these plasticky flasks.

Condoms for your dog

The tag word of 2011 seems to be "repurposing" - because "recycling" just ain't that hip anymore, people.  And the folks at Pawz have found a way to repurpose our childhood favorites, water balloons.

Louboutins for your pup

Yes, paw condoms.  From the Pawz website:


"Pawz is the world’s only disposable and reusable, waterproof dog boot. Made of natural rubber, Pawz are 100% biodegradable. Pawz are designed to go on easily and fit securely without zippers or straps. Fashionable yet durable, Pawz offers serious paw protection. Pawz is the most natural-feeling boot your dog can wear because without padding your dog feels the ground, providing a needed sense of security. Like a sock, Pawz moves with your dog, allowing full paw motion and maximum comfort. And imagine never losing another expensive dog boot again! Pawz come 12 in a package and each boot may be worn many times."

The purple water balloon

Now, I did not wake up one day and decide that my pooch needed prophylaxis for her paws (say that 10 times fast).  Rather, with freshly refinished hardwood floors, I needed a solution to keep them shiny while still allowing our doggie-daughter to roam around freely.  And that leads us to the discovery of Pawz at the local dog boutique.  Fortunately, Cleo is a mild-mannered pup and all-around Gumby-dog (moldable, like Gumby), and here are the hilarious results:

Condoms. To protect your wood. (ahem)

Put a frickin' bird on it.

Can I be a fan of a show if I haven't even seen a full episode of it?  I say yes.  And that show is Portlandia. A flash of brilliance about the city that will soon become my home.  I highly suggest watching the 3 minute clips on Hulu or youtube.

Interestingly, after watching a clip about a Portland couple that likes to put birds on things to make them cool and hipster, I got to witness the very phenomenon myself while visiting Portland.  The people of Portland really DO like putting birds on things.  Everything. See my snapshots below...

Sparkly bird with candle.

Bird painting on a tree bark frame. Fitting.

Petrified dove.

Utilitarian birds that will hold your business card for you. This only works if you own a bird store.

Felt bird. I wonder if it is filled with catnip.

Bird on a stick.

Bird ornaments.

Birds that got hit with the ugly stick.

Bird vs. gorilla cage fight greeting card.

Another bird candle holder

Ghetto-ass bird. His eyes are crooked and his tail is just sad, sad, sad.

What happens when you dip your parakeet in molten gold. Note the flannel-clad, beanie-wearing gentleman outside this establishment. It's like 1992 all over again.

Ditto.

Put a bird on a retro houndstooth blazer. Oh so Portland.

Drink your Rogue Ale with the birds!

Bird coaster - to put your bird beer glass on.

Owls are birds too.

Caution...goat crossing

Have you ever gone for a leisurely bike ride and been nearly run off the road? Okay, how about by a herd of goats?  In a fairly metropolitan area?  It apparently happened to my friend Bob Underpants (real name concealed to protect his identity) last week.  Further investigation revealed they weren't just the no-job loser kind of goats (I'm sorry goat, you're not a loser, I know, I know, hard times, recession, yadayada...), these were GOATS FOR HIRE.  Yes, you can now rent a herd of goats to clear your yard of kudzu, poison ivy, honeysuckle and more.  A pretty green solution and the extra feel-good bonus is that you can put a goat to work so he/she can save to put the kids through college.  Hahahahahaha...kids..get it? get it?

Asleymadison.com customer #1?

Congressman Christopher Lee (R - NY) is the perfect member for ashleymadison.com, the aforementioned online dating service for extramarital affairs! I'm sure the photo of the married-with-young-child politico flexing shirtless for craigslist's dating classifieds will be great supportive material for his profile:

Read more about the not-so-bright Congressman Lee in msnbc's article.

The wheels on the bus go round and round...

I was driving down Patterson Ave. today and see this crazy school bus that I'd more expect to see in Portland rather than Richmond.

Yes! It's the Farm to Family bus, the portable farmer's market!  In addition to locally grown produce, there are various meats from local farms, milk, cheese, eggs and edible prepared foods.

This bus drives all around town, to different farmer's markets (the non-roving type), and even makes housecalls.  I was informed by owner/driver/purveyor Mark Lilly that they will come to your street Thursday-Sunday by appointment at no additional charge, but just have a minimum purchase of $25. - and not just per person, but per stop.  So if you get some neighbors together you just have to spend $25 as a group.  With so many goodies on board, it's not hard to do.  Pretty cool.

Today I bought:
- Polyface Farms ground beef (this farm was featured on Food, Inc.) - free range, grass fed
- Local hot Italian sausage - again, grass fed
- Baby potatoes
- Spaghetti squash
- Acorn squash
- Gingersnap cookies
- Valentine's heart sugar cookies
- Homemade roasted garlic mostacioli pasta
- Virginia's Goats R Us pimento goat cheese

Can't wait to get cookin'!!!

The end of split ends

Having been a longtime card-carrying member of the "Asians who go blonde" club, I'm no stranger to fried hair.  I've come to my senses (temporarily) and have gone back to dark brown, which is natural-er for me.  Under that semi-permanent gloss though, are the remnants of my straw-like former hair, which results in...duh-duh-duh (insert dramatic music)...SPLIT ENDS (insert your best Psycho shower scene scream)!!!  In addition to the obvious - great conditioner (I alternate Terax Crema and Pantene Hair Solutions Color Nourishing Treatment) - an ends-smoothing goo/serum/potion is key.  These days I'm loving Neutrogena Triple Moisure Split End Mender, available at your local CVS or Rite Aid, or, for only $5.59 at drugstore.com.  

Good stuff I tell ya.  And if someone sees Ke$ha, please tell her I'll send her one of these for free, nada, zip, zippo.  And tell her I want my feather duster back.

A dating service for cheaters?

One of the companies that got denied a superbowl ad spot was a dating service called Ashley Madison*.  It's not that Fox doesn't want people to hook up...but this service is all about the extramarital hookup.  Yes, a dating site for cheaters.  Really??  See excerpt from the site below.  It's sleazy enough to cheat on your wife/husband, but to be so lame as to require help? Ridonkulous.

*Note to husband:  Dear Husband, you may find "How to have an affair, Ashley Madison" under my internet search history. Please rest assured that this was solely research for my blog.  And the research did NOT involve contacting this company and/or utilizing their services.  Love you and can you pick up some milk on the way home? K, Thx!

Excerpt - Ashley Madison boosts your confidence so you can be a better and more efficient cheater:

"The first married dating tip on how to have an affair and most important, is be patient and don’t get discouraged. Married women tend to be reluctant to put their marriage on the line for another man, and women generally take much smaller risks and seek fewer rewards in life than men do. Keep this in mind. You may be the best looking guy on Ashley Madison and you may have the best approach for these married women, but married women are many times less likely to rush into having an affair. Not only is patience a virtue, it is the most important skill you can have while engaging in the world of extramarital affairs and searching for a cheating partner."